The last few days I have been questioning my motives for Instagram & YouTube. I feel invisible on both platforms, and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure they are getting me any closer to my dreams.
I feel like I’m putting unnecessary stress on myself to create content weekly- none of which feels 100% authentic. How can I produce authentic content when the AUTHENTIC me is buried underneath all of this…fat, trauma & pain.
What if I stopped? Stopped posting. Stopped checking numbers and likes. What If I just started to learn to be present in the moment again? What would I rediscover about myself?
As a kid, my dream was always to be a writer. I always felt that my words had weight & writing came easy for me. The time I spent writing…NEVER felt like a waste. When I write, I feel fully in sync with myself; Mind, Body & Soul.
I have had this website for years. I tell myself each January that “THIS TIME” I will really start writing again. But this time turns into next time. Time passes and only empty pages and empty promises remain.
Deep in my soul- I know I just need to just start – start allowing my words to fill the pages. The simple act of writing allows me to see things clearer. It is almost like a beacon in the midst of the chaos. I may feel overwhelmed, scattered, shattered, alone… And then I put pen to paper and suddenly my authentic self greets me on the page. All of her comes pouring out onto the pages and it’s in those moments, I remember that there is more to me than my stressful demanding job, more to me than the likes on YouTube or my content on instagram.
Deep inside me, there is an eloquent story teller waiting to share all the knowledge she’s gained from the love she’s given and received, and the pain she’s endured.
For the last few years, I have been so consumed with the simple act of survival. So much so, that I forgot all about my authentic self and all her strengths. All my strengths.
Today, as I connect with her, I feel content. Today, I promise myself to turn off the outward noise and distractions and make space for my writing again.
Here’s to starting.
